Conversations With Myself

Revealing Dialogues

May 04, 2026

There’s been many a times in life I realized after the fact I was talking to myself. Not just in my mind, audibly talking. Quickly doubting confidence of my mental state. Later assuring myself that I’ve always been of a sound mind. I used to believe that those kinds of conversation were an abnormality. No more. I still talk to myself, usually at home. Typically one-way single word parlances, bellowing curse words under breath.

There’re countless conversations to be had with one’s self. Limited only by the creativity of a mindset. Internalized, externalized, the past, the future, the present, life, death, love, deceit, honesty, I could go on. Most often I’m interested in conversations covering the scope of this newsletter as related to the creative process of photography.

Externalizing The Internal

In sharing this bit of personal information beyond my own ears, you are now involved in my life. You may not have asked for it, but it is what it is. You may even stop reading right here, trying your best to forget you ever read it. Can you? Our lives are now linked by this experience. Slowly you may forget. In an hour, a day, a few days, or a week. Ultimately it may fade away to the far reaches of memory. Stored there until the time when it makes sense relating to something that happened (or is happening) in your life.

Through you I seek a bit of catharsis. Instead of talking to just myself, I’ve included you in this life to a degree that had been uncomfortable until now. Cloaked in solitude and privacy, the lone human that’s cataloged a life in photographs now breaks out of a silence and into song.

↑ Not everything that comes to mind is brought to fruition. When in doubt, seek your other self out. Ask the questions. What does it mean for yourself. What could an average person think of a vision you put into the world. I’ve been avoiding putting parts of my life out into the world to maintain some sense of privacy. I’ve realized a while ago that it’s been creatively stifling. I’ve included self portraits here. Last time I did that much openness was in my Lazy I article from last February. So, here’s to more personal sharing.

What’s There to know!

The fear of missing out (fomo) has been in the zeitgeist of late. The angst of not knowing some things, especially what’s at the forefront of today’s popular culture. The democratization of photography being a major part of it. Lamenting the dread of inadequacy. One of a few reasons I presume YouTube videos are successful. Feeding off of the information many think they don’t know, until one realizes that they’ve actually known for some time.

In the daily process of living, it feels the longer a life is lived, the more disillusioned one can become with lessons learned.

I figure we each hear hundreds, if not thousands of voices daily in the social media sphere. All sharing and learning at differing point in the learning process. In the pre digital and online world, it would’ve been taught and learned in schools, textbooks, gallery and museum visits, documentary films, internships, work-study programs, on-the-job mentorships to name just a few. From a comprehensive outlined plan. Outside of our earshot and computer screen’s view. Can you fathom it! Learning from YouTube! It’s not the learning, it’s the virtual incompleteness of such learning.

Hypothetical. You’re watching a YouTube video on one of your favorite pastimes on a popular channel. They’ve uploaded twenty-five videos. You’ve watched them all. There’s more information about your pastime that can be found on other channels. You seek them out. Your search results show 1,500 videos. How do you parse which to watch? When you’re living an active life, how does that fit in over time?

Welcome to some of my internal conversations!

If I knew back in the day what I know now, are there things I’d do differently? No doubt! Though I’ve accumulated a solid amount of photographic knowledge, I understand there’s so much more that I don’t know. A valuable lesson learned early on, don’t assume you know all. Learning is an endless pursuit no matter the profession. Knowledge is gained as you go, the amount of new guidance begins to flow to a trickle because the amount of particulars on a given subject is relatively finite. Admittedly for some professions, it takes a lifetime.

There’re No Coincidences

↓ It’s spring of 1987 and I’m walking the city with a large format camera (4x5in). Years go by, now I don’t remember the neighborhood I took the photograph in. The last few years, I caved to the fact that I may never find out. A location I spent an inordinate amount of time to set up and methodically document in creative reverence. Either as a monument to decrepitness or just another derelict building.

Two days ago I’m searching for images to supplement this article, it catches my attention again. I’m a bit upset because I still haven’t found where it was, until two days ago. The difficulty was in identifying surrounding buildings and obscure landmarks to gain an inkling of the neighborhood.

I dedicated the time to finally finding out. Ultimately I was able to locate the neighborhood. The Lower East Side of Manhattan. Lightbulb moment! Long story short, with help of Google Street View and the better part of an hour combing the satellite view, I found the exact spot. It wasn’t as easy as you may think!

The pièce de résistance, it’s on the same lot, just a few yards away from the current location of The International Center of Photography (ICP). Use this link to see the street view, the building is still there!

ICP has moved three times since 1999.

Originally at 94th & Fifth Avenue (Museum Mile).

Then 43rd & 6th Avenue, Midtown.

Then on the Bowery.

Now on Essex Street on the Lower East Side.

So, the miracle that a photograph taken near forty years ago relates to one of today’s revered photography museums is not a coincidence. It’s destiny!

Conversations I had with myself back in the days merged with conversations I continue to have today. Bringing the past up to the present. In my head and through to your eyes.

Wishing you well until next time…